I know this will come as no shock to any of you when I admit this...but here it goes. I am a control freak. Yes, though it took me a good 24 years to admit this, and the past 6 months to embrace this quality that I am now learning how to control...that's right, control my controlling ways...epic fail.
After I got accepted into DenSem, I prayed that the Lord would stretch me, that he would take me from the familiar and bring me to a place where I needed to rely on His strength and not mine. You know that saying "be careful what you wish for." I am starting to understand the truth behind that saying. I assumed moving would be that stretching experience I was praying for, but little did I know that God was planning on breaking me here and now.
As soon as I told my boss I was leaving things at the shelter took a nice, slow and steady turn. Though Audits are always stressful, I passed with flying colors. Youth group was done for the summer and my friendships were deepening every day. My world was peaceful for the first time in a long time. It was safe, it was comfortable and it was summer (its really easy to forget the horrible winters in Traverse City in the summers, because summers here are wonderful) This was the calm before the storm... I will name this life storm Voldemort (p.s auto correct knows who Voldemort is, its give me the squiggly red line when I write Bree, but not Voldemort)
Voldemort's attack
- Though this is a blessing, and something we have been wanting for a while, my dad got a new job that will bring my parents back to Chicago, but not the part of Chicago that is my home. I will now have to say goodbye to my home of traverse city forever. Goodbye best friends, goodbye to watching my dear friends kids grow up and celebrating birthdays and graduations, goodbye volunteering at thirdlevel, goodbye wonderful church, goodby Christmas' in Traverse City....Loss of a sense of home 1pt Voldemort
- next after a close call with a roommate that would have been a very difficult situation, the roommate that I actually wanted to live with and was going to live with informed me that she didn't get the financial aid she needed and that it was looking like she wasn't going to be able to come. meaning I would either be a lone (fearful that I would then have to pay the whole apartment) or that I would get paired with another roommate that I couldn't live with like before.... Loss of sense of security in Denver 1pt Voldemort
- Then, my computer, cell phone and zune broke. Replacing those cost a pretty penny and 5 cavities, three trips to the dentist and a hurting mouth also put me out a good 400 bucks. This for a girl who is trying to save because she is moving across the country...suckage Loss of financial buffer 1 more pt Voldemort
- I applied for an nannying job that would make me a significant amount of money, it fit perfectly with my schedule, the woman I spoke to loved me and said she thought I would be the best fit for her family. She said she would check my references and turn down the other girls...later that week she informed me she was going another direction with her nanny. She said I sounded great, but that she just couldn't wait for me to arrive in CO. loss of future plans for financial security 1 pt Voldemort.
- Then the close friend I have out in CO informs me that she will be moving before I arrive to Colorado. Complete feeling of security ripped from me 3pts Voldemort
Needless to say, the storm was a bruin' and bruin' quickly. Though I may have referred to the storm as one of the most hated literally characters written in the 20 century I think that God was using this storm to teach me a few things.
lesson 1.
Chill out Pedersen. I understand why the Bible talks so much about worry so much, and how it does not add a single second to your life...I was feeling lifeless and numb wanting nothing more then to crawl into a hole and never leave. God did however know what he was doing. Spending some time in Illinois with my family and friends there reminded me of the fact that Illinois is one of the many places, like Traverse City, that hold my heart. Knowing that my parents would be more financially stable, closer to my brother and his wife to be and my family brought me a sense of peace. I realize now how many significant life changes i have made over the past 8 years. In all of those changes God has always remained my sense of support. my rock. peace that surpasses all understanding 10 pts God.
lesson 2.
My roommate informed me that she would in fact be coming. The lesson I learned in this one was to trust in the Lords timing. I was freaking out because I didn't have a back up plan, in my scrambling to find a back up plan I realized I had NO control over this situation, and that All i could do was wait. providing for my future living arrangements 10 pts God
lesson 3.
Though my friend who I was so very excited about living near did move away. The Lord worked to bring my dear friend Britt with me! She is also moving to CO as a live in Nanny living only 25mins away from me. The lesson that I learned in this is that God does care about my comfort. I felt like all things that were comfortable to me were stripped from me, I felt alone and afraid but God decided to give me not only a person that I knew, but one of my best friends. A friend who I can be me with, completely and totally me, a friend who loves me regardless of the mood I am in. Who cares about my friendship not only because of what they can get out of it, but about what they can give. Britt is my sister, she is a part of my home giving me a sense of home in a foreign land 10 pts God.
I would be lying if I said I was cured from my control freak syndrome. I still worry. I worry about whether I am cut out for Grad School. I worry about making friends and finding a church. I worry about finances both now and once I graduate...but in the midst of all of these fears I know one think for sure "that I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans to prosper you, not to harm you. plans to give you a hope and a future " Jeremiah 29:11 I don't know what the Lord has in store for me, but I trust that, though easy it may not be, it will be good. God is bigger then my storms, he is bigger then my fears. He is bigger then my unbelief.
